Get inside bailey's head
Warning: It can be scary and full of profanity in there!
Growing up, I was always the designated driver. In fact, the bar staff would allow me into the bar before I was 18 because they knew I was everyone’s safe ride home. On occasion I would indulge in a bottle of orange vodka or a flask of lemon gin but for the most part I was the safe one. My fear was that I would drink and be unable to get home or to where I was staying.
I tried many times to enjoy alcohol, but would constantly find myself hating the taste, drinking it anyways because of peer pressure and waking up with a killer hangover.
I never really started drinking alcohol until after I had children. I would meet up with friends and enjoy a glass of wine or a paralyzer and one led to two and two led to three and…you get the point. My relationship with Bailey’s in my coffee became waaaay to friendly and I found myself putting it in my morning coffee like cream.
Moving out to the mountains and starting my new healthier lifestyle really helped to shift these habits. Not that I quit drinking altogether but I toned it down to casual drinking once in a while.
One Christmas a few years ago, I remember visiting with our family and I asked my cousin if she wanted a drink. She said “no, I don’t drink anymore”. I vividly remember thinking, huh, that’s an interesting choice and could never wrap my head around why she quit or why she wouldn’t just have one. For years after that I wondered what it would be like to quit drinking. Would it be hard? Would I wish that I could have just one? Would I even ever make that choice?
Recently, a friend and well-respected colleague of mine, Donna McArthur started a new project called Sparkling Sobriety. Donna, had decided to make the same choice as my cousin had and start living a sober life. She encouraged people, including myself, to take a look at my relationship with alcohol, and so I did.
I started looking at what situations I was in when I was drinking. Who was I with? What was happening in my life when I felt the need? What was the environment? And most importantly, was I enjoying it?
One sentence that Donna said to me that really stuck was to the effect of…
“My amount that is ‘too much’ could be a totally different amount than your ‘too much’. It’s all a personal perspective.”
I thought it would be a hard choice to make, to quit drinking. But after exploring my relationship with alcohol, quitting drinking has been one of the easiest choices I have ever made. No more hangovers, no expensive alcohol, no more calories in alcohol form…it’s great!
It’s taken a little while for me to get used to going to someone house for ‘drinks’ with my sparkling water or ordering my virgin mojito. One evening a friend invited me over for wine and I said I would love to come and said “will you be offended if I don’t drink your wine but just bring my own sparkling water?”. She replied with “will you be offended if I do drink my wine?”. Touche my friend, touche.
Now am I saying that I will never drink again? No. I know I will sometime down the road. But as for right now, I am 100% happy with my sober lifestyle.
PS: If you are interested in exploring your relationship with alcohol, reach out to Dr. Donna at Sparkling Sobriety!
How in the hell is the relationship between tracking your food intake and tracking your money similar, you ask?
Well, let me tell you what I have noticed over the past few years of experiencing both of these.
Tracking your money: The idea here is to track every single dollar that goes in to your bank account AND most importantly, every dollar that goes out. Most people are SHOCKED to find out what they are actually spending every month. I used to do budget coaching and many times I would hear “oh I think its about $6000 per month” and when I asked them to go back through their bank statements to find out how much they realized it was more like $10,000.
If you don’t know how much money you are spending or making you literally have no control over YOUR OWN damn finances. Tracking is a really simple way to get control and putting yourself in the driver’s seat. Turns out it’s kinda important to know what is happening with your money, there is no one else doing that for you!
What happens when I stop tracking my money: I am good for the first few months as the habit of tracking trickle on. Eventually I begin to lose that control again and start to spend like an asshole and asking dumb questions like “where did all my money go?” (this was a HUGE trigger for us to start taking a hard look at our finances).
Tracking your food intake: The idea here is to track everything that passes through your lips. Just like the money, it can be very, very easy to lose awareness of what you are using to fuel your body. If you start tracking what is going in you might find out that you are eating WAAAAY less than you thought you were or maybe way more.
What happens when I stop tracking my food intake: I am good for the first few months as the habits of tracking trickle on. Eventually I find myself in the same old habit loop of drinking way to much coffee and eating all of the carbs in Invermere around 4:00pm. I start asking dumb questions like “why and I so dizzy all the time?” (it’s cause you’re starving, dumbass!).
Regardless of whether you are tracking your money or your food, I believe it is very important to be conscious of what you are doing in both areas. Raising awareness of the fact that you are spending thousands more per month than you thought or drinking more coffee than you are eating food. When you are in control of these two aspects of your life, you will feel pretty fucking good.
If you are ready to learn more about the tools that hubs and I used to pay off our consumer debt and gain control over our finances, you may want to start up a conversation with someone who teaches similar techniques such as Jenn Widney from Financial Fundamentals or Merideth Bisiker at Beyond the Budget.
Jenn recommends tackling one area at a time. Once you have mastered tracking your finances then take on your food (or vice versa) so you don’t get too overwhelmed.
Merideth recommends finding a tracking tool that YOU prefer. If you struggle with technology, use paper. If you hate data entry or spreadsheets, sign up for You Need a Budget or Mint and have the app input the numbers for you. If you use a tool you prefer, the likelihood that you'll track your money will be higher.
If you are ready to learn more about the tools that I am using to gain control over my food intake and develop a healthy relationship with food you may want to start up a conversation with Eric Elliott from Refocus Nutrition.
Eric says, “Measuring can be used through the analogy of a baker and a cook. With a baker, you need to follow all of your ingredients more or less to a t. If you’re making banana bread, you need a certain amount of sugar, bananas etc. With a cook, you can make a great dish without having a specific amount of each individual ingredient. You’re able to taste how the dish tastes each time you make it. Measuring for some people is like that. A cook still needs to know what’s going into their dish in the same way we need to know what ingredients and foods are going into our bodies but we don’t always have to be as precise as a baker.”
Gaining control over one area in your life can REALLY start a chain reaction in other areas. Just get started, you won't be sorry!
Two words that describe a relationship that I have had with food for as long as I can remember.
I have struggled with:
The list goes on and on. When I was recently asked to describe my history of my relationship with food, I quickly realized that “a disaster” actually did best describe this relationship in my life.
It goes a little something like this…
Ages 12 - 18: Now I say age 12 because I remember being in grade 7 the first time I dumped my ham sandwich into garbage at lunch time and cracked open a Pepsi instead. Throughout my middle school years I wasted an astounding amount of food that my Mom had packed me by dumping it into the garbage every single day (sorry Mom!).
During my middle and high school years, I would leave home in the morning without eating lunch, spend my entire day not eating but rather drinking bottles of Pepsi. Even the pop machine guy started giving me free cases of Pepsi. After school I would play whichever after school sport I had that day then I would go home and eat the dinner that my Mom had prepared for the family. I would have a snack before bed and then start the process over again the next morning.
Relationship status: Starving.
Ages 18 - 25: Freedom! The year I turned 18 my boyfriend and I bought a condo in the city. We were free to eat whatever we could afford and spend as much time in restaurants as we pleased. We had weekend rituals of going to Boston Pizza for dinner and eating pizza bread and then to the movies and eating ALL of the popcorn.
During these years I got married and had two children. I also added 60 pounds to the scale. I regretted every carb I ate.
Relationship status: Obsessed with eating…anything.
Ages 25 - Current: During this time I joined a few different types of health and wellness programs and learned a LOT about food, macronutrients, fitness, muscle building. I learned that I am capable of strength and developed a healthy relationship with fitness.
Also during this age I have been very unstable with my eating habits. The snapshot that I see is very similar to my teenage years of starving only, this time it wasn’t on purpose. My daily routine would be eat something small enough to get through the morning workout followed by coffee. Have really good intentions of eating something for lunch but by 3pm I realize…I’ve only had coffee. By 4pm the feeling of hunger reappears as the honey and cream from the coffee wear off. Now I’m STARVING and eat all of the food I can get my hands on.
Relationship status: Fucked right up.
As you can see, my relationship with food has been on a yo-yo since I was a teenager. One of my recent goals was that I wanted to be lighter so that I can master some of the gymnastics movements I have been working on. Gymnastics has never been my strength in life, even as a child, so it’s something that I would like to grow!
I decided to work with Eric Elliott from Refocus Nutrition to see if he could help me get lighter but not necessarily lose muscle. It wasn’t until he asked me the question above, “what is your relationship history with food?”, that I realized getting lighter is not my next goal.
My next goal is to build a healthy relationship with food, where I am fuelling my body with the proper portions of macronutrients throughout the day and enjoying the process of preparing and eating really fucking good food.
Eric has been absolutely amazing to work with so far. He respects all of my goals and is working with me to reach them in the safe and sustainable way!
I am SO excited for this next journey. Watch my Instagram account for updates on my progress :)
I participated in my very first powerlifting meet this past weekend, there is SO MUCH to learn about it all, but here are a few of the highlights...
1. Bring ALL of the food. ALL OF IT. Lifting all of the heavy shit takes a lot of energy and replenishment happens at least every 13 minutes.
2. I definitely have a chalk deficiency in my life. Chalk is used to keep your bar on your back, chalk to keep your back on the bench, chalk to keep the bar in your hands…seriously just fucking bathe in that shit before you get there, it will save a lot of time. Also, talcum powder to keep the bar from getting stuck on your quads on the way up from a deadlift; who knew?!
3. Powerlifters come in ALL shapes and sizes and they ALL walk confidently in that; it’s a glorious thing.
4. When they say “your attempts are in KGs” that means EVERYTHING is in KGs. Just work with fucking kilograms from the start because when you get there you WILL be confused AF every time you look at a weighted bar and constantly asking the people around you “how many kilos is that?”.
5. You have 60 seconds after your first and second attempts to decide on your next attempt. Not 62 seconds, not 65 seconds….60 SECONDS starting immediately after you complete your lift. Help yourself out by reading #4 again otherwise you will be standing there converting for the next 60 seconds.
6. Go in with a solid plan (in KGs of course), but be prepared to work with how you feel that day. I went in with a plan to start my back squat at 145# BUT lowered it to 135# 10 minutes before the start because I wanted to make sure that I at least got SOMETHING under my belt. Also, you have until 3 minutes before your heat to change your openers so keep that in mind!
7. Learn AND practice the commands before you get there! Bench press was a huge eye opener, “Start, press, rack” will forever be engrained in my brain.
8. Ask questions to anyone who is willing to answer them! There is a lot of knowledge walking around, gain whatever you can!
9. Adrenaline works. Learn how to activate it and use it at the right time.
10. The powerlifting community is a wonderful group of people who are competing against themselves to do better, practice the skill and have a lot of fun. There are also a few who are working to become the best that they can be in the sport. And while this is a ‘competition’, it was also a meet; like a meeting of individuals who just want to lift for the love of it.
11. Give yourself adequate recovery time. It takes quite a while for the adrenaline to wear off, but when it does happen you’ll find yourself napping in the sun on your trampoline on a lovely Monday afternoon…
So the big question that I have been asked is, “will you ever do it again?”. The answer to that is, never say never but I don’t see it happening anytime in the near future! I will, however, work on the new lessons I have learned to see how much change I can create within my own power.
A few weeks ago I posted this quote on my Facebook page:
“If you don’t know how much money you need, the default easily becomes more.”
- Ego is the Enemy by Ryan Holiday
And it’s got me thinking... what if you took this mindset to your entire life rather than just your financial well-being?
If you don’t know what you want in life, how can you be sure when you have the life you are seeking?
I have been thinking a lot about the difference between Passion & Purpose today. We hear the terms used separately, and we hear them used as one but what do they REALLY mean?
Here is the best understanding that I have come to recently:
Passion - Something you do for yourself because you enjoy it.
Purpose - Something you do for the greater cause.
If this is true, then I have two separate questions...
1. What is your Passion?
2. What is your Purpose?
Also, a third question, is it easier to identify what you believe other peoples Passion and Purpose is?
I used to hate getting to failure at the gym. It felt icky and unsuccessful. I would always come up JUST shy of failing. Because WHY on Earth would anyone ever want to push themselves so far that they just ended their gym session with a shitty failed attempt?
Over the past 9 months I have learned why...
I realized that if I never push myself to the point where I miss a lift or an attempt then I will NEVER find out my boundaries. I will never find out where the limit actually sits.
Now, I like to push myself until failure, then I KNOW what my current boundaries are. I know that my current failure is my next goal to reach. And once I have crushed that goal I move onto my next failure.
Check out my latest failure HERE
I never have been. And for many years I was closed off to the idea of any kind of religion or spirituality, because I was sure that the two were one in the same.
So when someone asked me to "look to god for the answer" or to "thank the lord" for what I was given, I had a reaaaalllly hard time with that.
A few years ago I read a book called You Are A Badass by Jen Sincero that said "call it whatever you want, god, the spirits, the universe.... consider it all as a higher power" (that's not an exact quote but you get the idea).
It got me thinking.... my mom always said to me "things happen for a reason" and those words forever stuck with me. So I thought okay maybe I do believe in something...I think I believe in the universe as a higher power.
Recently, with the help of my new friend Misti, I was able to separate the two terms; religious and spiritual. Sounds like an easy task but when you have told yourself one thing for so long it can be difficult to change.
I now do consider myself somewhat spiritual in the fact that I do believe that the universe has been an assistant in the growth over the years.
Tonight I felt a strong need to give thanks to the universe for the opportunities that it has assisted in providing for me.
I have been 100% open to any opportunity that may fall into my lap and extremely grateful when they do.
So I sat outside, in silence and looked around at "the universe". I literally said out loud "thank you for assisting me with all of these amazing opportunities that I have been given"
(Don't worry the neighbours know that I talk back to the voices in my head - it's all good)
And as I sat there, completely at peace, I also gave thanks to myself. That's right, myself. Because the universe may have assisted me with these opportunities but it was ultimately ME that made the choice to be open to receiving them. I take full responsibility for my life, the good, the bad and the ugly.
Take responsibility for the good in your life, you had a part in that too.
Of course I turned music on immediately after (you know music is my thaaang) and it was the song "I'm alive" by Kenny Chesney.
I will leave you with the lyrics to a part of the song that almost brought me to tears, tears of excitement and joy...
"Today's the first day of the rest of my life and I'm alive and well"
Recently, I found myself in place that used to be OH SO familiar to me... I found myself sitting on my bathroom floor, knees up, UGLY CRYING. You know what the ugly cry looks like right? It's like snot everywhere, red faced, blotchy eyes... We've all been there a time or two.
Well, I have been going through some pretty big shifts and changes in my life and business. These changes haven't necessarily been bad changes, but just changes that I needed to adjust for, and by the sounds of things my brain was SO NOT on board for these changes (yet)!
So, as I sat on the floor, ready to throw in the towel, I had a realization...this is her, this is P.B.. P.B. is a girl who used to let her weak side win and let her convince herself that she wasn't good enough or worthy enough. She would say that there were too many risks to take a chance on something and that change is too scary.
P.B. is Past Bailey.
As I sat there, thinking about how, in that very moment, I could make the decision to let P.B. win and bring back my old 'poor me, somebody save me' ways where I would go back to hating 80% of my days OR I could silence that bitch, stand up, (finish the ugly cry, because that is important to let that shit out) and GET BACK TO LIVING.
If I decide that I am going to let a few challenging moments defeat me, then I am going to miss out on a whole lot of opportunities to make the positive impact that I have set out to make in this lifetime.
It's a shitty day, not a shitty life.
I AM HUMAN.
Becoming a better human challenge...
Not a lot of people know this about me but once every few weeks I give myself a challenge. These challenges that I do with myself are always based around having better communication, becoming a better version of myself, being a better human in our society...always something to make my life fuller and often the lives of others too.
What I am working on right now is being a better customer when it comes to customer service. Whether I am at a restaurant, in a retail store or at the gas station I am REALLY striving to be a better customer.
I have worked in retail and been on the other side of the counter, so I KNOW what it is like to be treated like I have no soul.
What I am encouraging you to do is become a better customer yourself. Here are a few tips that I have been using to be a good customer...
This is my challenge for you! Do you accept it?
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